A History Before History

Abel made Cain envious because God preferred the former’s sacrifice to the latter’s. Why would his sacrifice not fail? Anything Cain offered would be harvested with violence, without respect, without gratitude. Here one group of people is distancing itself from all others, and choosing to play by its own rules.

Moreover, since these were very early times and Cain represented the first agrarian communities, we can say that this civilized “hero” was the first to oppose beliefs that had always been. Ullikummi and Kumarbi, conceived later on, were the first gods to oppose God/Nature’s plan. To this end, it is safe to say that the children of Adam and Cain became the first real devil-followers, if they did not worship him directly.  

At the very least these people-Adam and his descendants- turned their backs on all that was, which is why it says in the Bible they became restless wanderers. At that time there was nothing else besides Nature. What place had they?

Even if Cain is reduced to a metaphor, there is nothing that indicates anyone approving of anything Cain would have to offer. Of what benefit to anyone would it be, other than to give Cain’s progeny the feeling of having a full stomach? The tribe chose to remain outside any harmonious relationship with any creatures small or large, beholden only to itself, on account of its peculiar pipe dreams.

These people turned their backs on all the glory days of our past, and on whatever Nature promised them in the future, which is why the Bible depicts them as restless wanderers.

Day of Mourning

do not look for Thanksgiving

do not open your eyes

do not try and learn

do not ask questions about

do not look for Thanksgiving

do not ask about Abel and Cain

do not wonder about the latter’s mark

do not look in the mirror

do not look for Thanksgiving

do not wonder how those Pilgrims had room

do not ask what below their feet was already!

do not ask how the survivors of 1620 survived

do not ask about Squanto

do not ask about the Patuxet tribe

do not ask why he survived

do not ask about his scars

do not ask about Thanksgiving

or when the name was first used

do not ask about the Pequots

do not ask where they are now

do not ask about Thanksgiving

do not change anything

do not rock the boat

do not hamper chances at stolen wealth

do not ask about Thanksgiving

do not associate yourself with guilt

do not attempt to feel shame

do not ruin the vibe

Fire

Below the flimsy and crumbling pie-crust we live on, the Earth is burning. It needed to be that way for life to evolve. Fire is one of the four elements of matter as the Greek understood them, together with air, water, and donuts (we are unsure about this fourth one-it has been a long time since the ancient Greeks). It is arguably the only one that is inherently ambivalent. Fire destroys, as wildfires have so painfully shown, but it also keeps us warm in winter, and at night. 

Back when we were just one of many creepy crawly creatures, we started to build campfires to keep us warm and safe at night. Other predators learned the hard way to stay away, humans were gathered near these flames and many had spears. But the worst thing they had around these fires, with regard to future generations of Earth’s creatures, was time. Assuming they had full stomachs and were not yet sleepy, there was nothing left for these early yous and mes to do except chat with each other.

While out and about on the hunt, or scouting territories for places to camp and/or enemies, or asleep with their families, these people needed to concentrate completely on the task at hand-their survival depended upon it. Now that the hunting was done and everyone was full, the winter clothing had been stitched together, the musk-ox horn had been boiled, its core had been removed, and the resulting disgusting bloody mess had been cleaned up, enabling everyone in the tribe to “pass the horn” and imbibe, it was time to bond. That meant: story time!

Everyone sat around a campfire, rolled weeds, and told each other trashy caveman stories like “Don’t Touch Thoga’s Meatloaf-BAD!!” or “Children Of The Corn.”

Yuval Harari, in his wonderful book Sapiens, showed that the key to humankind’s success was gossip. Without the ability to get to know the others in their group/clan/tribe, humans would have been unable to band together and eventually settle, which means that without fire there could be no civilization.

It is upon this burning rock that our place in history, our civilization, and our destinies are founded.

Summer, A Snake, and the Web

Jimbo, Lulu, and Dina were out in the woods behind the street where they lived. It was summer, and very hot, and the shade inside the forest did them good. At first they played hide and seek, but that got boring after a while. The seeker could always hear where the hiders where heading to while he/she counted, making the game too easy for the seeker.

“Let’s hike up to Devil’s Rock!” said Lulu excitedly. The other two looked at each other. Jimbo shrugged.

“I don’t know,” said Dina, “it’s a long way. And what if we get lost? And it’s almost lunchtime…”

“Good!” said Lulu decisively. “Then everyone goes home now and packs something to eat, and not only for yourself, Jimbo…” she glared at him jokingly out of the side of her eye, “then we meet back here in half an hour. And don’t worry, Dina, I’ve been there hundreds of times.”

The other two friends nodded, Dina a little more grudgingly.

A half hour later Lulu was waiting, thinking her friends had forgotten about her. She was already ready after 23 minutes, and it seemed like it took forever for the other two to show. Finally Jimbo showed up.

“Alright, smart boy,” said Lulu commandingly, “let’s see what you have.”

They both looked into Jimbo’s backpack at his store of foods. There were three sandwiches smeared with tunafish so terribly you couldn’t see the bread, two pieces of cold pizza, five chocolate bars, and some potato chips. Lulu said “uh-huh” or “OK” after each. Then she handed Jimbo his backpack. He smiled proudly.

“Now you can go back and get what you forgot,” Lulu said coldly. Jimbo’s smile wilted.

“Why??” he whined. “What’d I forget??”

“It’s summer, Jimbo,” Lulu said. “Remember? Go get yourself some water.”

Jimbo went off, cursing, as Dina showed up. Again Lulu asked to see what she had brought, and again she sent her friend home to get some water. She sat down on a rock, shaking her head, and waited for the others to return.

On the way to Devil’s Rock, they sang some songs and then played tag. It was fun, but the woods were so thick the only place to run away was on the path, which meant the fastest-Lulu-would never get tagged. 

Suddenly Lulu froze, crouching down.

The other two looked around nervously. “What?” they whispered, as a smile crept over Lulu’s face.

“Nothing,” she said, laughing. “You should see your faces.”

They shook their heads and looked down while Lulu skipped ahead. Dina and Jimbo caught up to Lulu a few seconds later, and Lulu froze again. “Shhhh!!!” she said.

They both crouched a little and looked about. Suddenly, Lulu took off running as fast as she could. The other two kids didn’t know what to do and took off after her. Being faster, however, Lulu quickly outdistanced them and ran over a little hill in a curve of the path.

Dina and Jimbo reached the curve, where a massive pine tree stood. Lulu jumped out from behind the tree.

“Boooo!” she cried.

Dina shrieked and Jimbo fell into the bushes. Lulu, laughing, helped Jimbo up while Dina laughed nervously. Then she pushed Lulu into the bushes.

This time it was Jimbo and Dina’s turn to run ahead, laughing, until Lulu could catch up.

Finally, they made it to Devil’s Rock. They were all hungry, and spread the food they brought out on the blanket Lulu had brought. They ate and joked and told silly stories, each one funnier than the last. When that got boring they listened to the forest birds chatting away in the treetops, and tried to guess what kind of birds they were.

Once they heard a rustling nearby, and it turned out to be a big snake. Dina was terrified, but Lulu and Jimbo watched the reptile, fascinated.

“It’s more scared of us than we are of him,” said Lulu, watching it disappear under a pile of rocks.

Afterwards, Dina did not feel much like joking, and the children decided to head back. They took a different way, where a stream twisted and babbled its way through the forest. At the water’s edge they saw dozens of frogs, and Jimbo discovered that if they moved slowly, they could see crayfish hiding under or near rocks in the water. Little fish also darted this way and that, and the children even went in to cool off.

It was almost sad to leave the stream and the woods behind them, but they promised each other to repeat the adventure whenever they could the whole summer long.

The weeks passed, and Dina showed up less and less. Whenever she did, she looked…different. She didn’t seem to be as happy as before, and she looked thinner. She had also gotten paler. Jimbo and Lulu asked her if anything was wrong, but she shook her head and said nothing.

Finally the day came where Dina did not show up at all.

“Alright, that settles it,” said Lulu. “No one bails on our friendship. We’re going to her house.”

They both headed over to Dina’s house, where her mother opened the door. She quickly looked back into the house to make sure her daughter wasn’t there, and went outside to talk with Lulu and Jimbo.

“I’m glad you’re here,” she said. “Dina hasn’t been herself these last few weeks. She won’t say what it is, but she’s been this way since you three first went into the woods. All she has been doing since then is surfing the internet. She doesn’t eat and barely sleeps.”

Lulu and Jimbo looked at each other. They both stood up.

“Take us to her room,” said Lulu.

They entered Dina’s room, and Dina’s mother closed the door. The girl was surprised and nervous. Lulu sat down on the bed next to Dina, while Jimbo played with a plastic cow he found. 

“Do you know what the ‘www’ stands for, Dina?” Lulu asked her friend.

Dina looked down and nodded.

“There’s a reason they call it the ‘web,’ Dina, and you sure don’t look like a spider,” Lulu went on. “I know you feel safe in there, but why don’t you feel safe with us?”

Dina hung her head.

“It’s not cuz of the snake, is it?” Jimbo asked, looking up from his cow.

Dina nodded.

“Oh, Dina, we have to cure you of that,” Lulu said hugging her friend, “or you’ll never have fun with us in the woods again!”

“C’mon Dina,” added Jimbo. “If you’ll go again, I’ll help you dunk Lulu in the stream.”

It was settled. They went back to the woods and had a wonderful time again. Dina and Jimbo dunked Lulu in stream and even filled her face with mud. They did manage to start coming back regularly, loving it every time, and, one day near the end of summer, Jimbo caught a snake, and Dina even petted it.

It really was more scared of them, and they let it go quickly.

Dina hugged both of her friends. She looked happy and healthy.

The Birth of Evil

About 5,000 years ago, a volcano erupted in an abnormal way in Anatolia. In the 21st century these occasions might warrant a headline in a newspaper or a story on the news, and as terrifying as such a catastrophe might be for those in its proximity, most understand these events and the processes prompting them. Somehow this lessens its dramatic effect.

Not so 5,000 years ago.

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The power exploding from a volcano is monstrous. When Mt. St. Helens erupted in 1980, the blast released 24 megatons of thermal energy, 7 of those a direct result of this explosion. A surge of this magnitude is equivalent to 1,600 times the size of the atomic bomb dropped on Hiroshima, yet the Mt. St. Helens eruption was not even the most violent of the 20th century. Volcanic eruptions are a superhuman event which dwarf our imaginations. The attendant panic is also immense, which would explain the necessity of crafting stories about them. Explaining things helps diminish one’s fear of them.

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Witnesses described these catastrophic events so long ago as a battle between earthbound, fiery Stone Monsters and Thunder gods, played by someone with a beard, who tried to quell the rebellion with either an Illudium Pew-36 Explosive Space Modulator or one of the more impressive items in the heavenly arsenal: lightning.

One of the oldest versions of so-called cosmic wars is the Hurrian Myth about Kumarbi and his son Ullikummi. The father sent Ullikummi as a rival in his quarrell against the Thunder god, his brother Teshub. The Song of Ullikummi from the middle of the second millenium B.C. is the first mention of a stone birth, or monster: this behemoth appears at the top of Nemrut after Kumarbi impregnates the mountain. This story is typical for the Hurrian religion, which arose in and was heavily influenced by the volcanic region in eastern Anatolia they called home.

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The theme of stone monsters occurs only in the myths and legends of the peoples of ancient Turkey and in the Caucasus, and should be interpreted as a reflection of a unique volcanic event-the appearance of a lava spine at the volcano’s peak. The place of birth of the rebellious anti-hero Ullikummi, who, according to the myth, appeared atop a mountain next to an inland sea, is the volcano Nemrut on the northwestern shore of Lake Van in eastern Anatolia.

The Thunder gods always won these epic battles, either because they used a trombone (Youtube:Strangest foreign objects: WWE Top 10 (#4), March 16,2019) or because the eruption sputtered out.

The well-known figure of the dragon slayer, described in so many mythologies and representing the old weather god, who uses twenty-four of his most potent weapons (lightning bolts) to kill the fire-breathing serpent (volcano/lava flow/lava spine), conveys the allegorical picture of the war between good and evil, and became popular in areas without volcanoes. 

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The eruption of Nemrut 5,000 years ago not only entailed a one-time or repeated ejection of lava streams. Another seldom occurring but noted phenomena accompanied the event. A gooey, viscous glob of magma oozed from the crater and “stacked itself” into a tower instead of flowing downwards-the phenomenon called a “lava spine”. The fiery fluid which is pressed out of the volcano’s vent kindleth, in terms of texture and the way it grew, the pressing of toothpaste out of a tube (Volcano Toothpaste! The punk band name!.

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The odor of sulphur, specifically, also known as brimstone, is almost omnipresent during eruptions, along with the expulsion of ash and steam. The sulphur present in the Earth’s crust also evaporates and spreads its characteristic acrid stench.

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Volcanoes are “mighty hunters” who destroy not only landscapes and settlements, but also the lives of countless fauna, like Bambi and Godzilla, something the eyewitnesses of the catastrophe on Lake Van acknowledged and registered in their oral traditions. The eruption of Mount St. Helens in 1980 exacted the deaths of an estimated two million animals in the area.

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Bible scholars associate the name of the “mighty hunter” Nimrod with the Hebrew word “mrd”, which means “Rebel”. Nemrut grew into a myth, later adopted in the Holy Book.

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Nimrod represented the volcano. People who had never seen a volcano before misinterpreted the mountain as a person. No identification of this tyrant with either a mythical hero or a historical king ever occurred, according to Strong’s Exhaustive Concordance Of The Bible. The name of the mount is ancient, however, and the oral traditions of the area describe Nemrut as a “rebel” and “mighty hunter,” or “warrior”.

In the Scriptures, Nimrod became the Earth’s first tyrant and “a mighty hunter before the Lord“. The translation of the word “before“, is slightly inaccurate; others read “against“, or “mighty in wickedness before the Lord” (Strong’s Concordance of the Bible). Nimrod opposed God, which would fit not only to the geological history of Nemrut but to the myth of Ullikummi as well.

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And this, dear children, is why we may say, in these very backward times, that to “live” is “evil.” 

Wo Am I

all of my parents are dead

and all of my frienships are lost

my brother stubbed his toe

my sister was crushed by a meteor

I was abused by a woodchuck

and lost my last friend’s hammer

my house was foreclosed

under the meteor and

my engine knocks and pings

I cannot afford Valvoline

the walls of my home are crumbling

since I’ve been using the bricks

to hammer in the nails

to hang up my pictures

if only I could find that hammer

PS-I am currently in France, so the $5 prize for winning this poetry contest must be forwarded per bank transfer. I’ll give you the details as soon as you declare me the winner and don’t forget-I don’t like to wait.

Harriet Tubman-Five Times Before Breakfast

First there was the Night. Under cover of darkness, Harriet Tubman herded scores of slaves northwards towards freedom, hidden under its black blanket. Dozens of times she returned, always by night, until she knew the way without having to open her eyes, always for the good of others. It was the night, after all, their great black friend, that gave them their only hope of ever becoming more than 3/5 of a person, and of being treated as human beings were meant to be treated. Perhaps it was the bottomless night that gave her her bottomless strength.

Harriet Tubman was born into slavery between 1815 and 1825, depending on which source you find. It was a large family, and her mother Rit struggled to keep it together. Their slave master Brodess sold three of her daughters early on, separating them from the family forever. 

When a trader from Georgia approached Brodess about buying Rit’s youngest son, Moses, she hid him for a month. At one point she confronted her owner about the sale. Finally, Brodess and the buyer came to seize the child, where Rit told them, “You are after my son; but the first man that comes into my house, I will split his head open.” Brodess backed away and abandoned the sale. It was thought that this event convinced Tubman that it was possible to resist.

At five or six she was hired by a woman named “Miss Susan” to rock her baby’s cradle when it slept, and was whipped when it didn’t. She later said she was once whipped five times before breakfast. Some of her scars never healed.

Only three things helped her avoid these whippings: running away (sometimes for five days), wearing more layers of clothing to dull the whip’s blows, or fighting back.

Later, she was hired to check muskrat traps in the nearby marshes, or perform field and forest work, all of which enabled her to gather important geographical knowledge that she would use later on.

At one point around this time she happened to be standing too close to an escaping slave. An overseer threw a metal weight that hit Harriet in the head which, she said (no doctor was ever called to care for her), fractured her skull. She was left on the seat of a loom, bleeding and unconscious, for two days. For the rest of her life she often suffered painful headaches, seizures, and would fall unconscious.

In addition, she also had strange dreams and visions, which she interpreted as revelations from God. From that point on she became a religious person, but rejected the New Testament and its urgings of obedience. She preferred Old Testament tales of deliverance.

Around 1844, she married a free black man, John Tubman.

In 1849 her owner died, which increased the chances that her family would be split apart. She was not going to wait and see. Against her husbands wishes, she decided to flee. Later, she said “There was one of two things I had a right to, liberty or death; if I could not have one, I would have the other.”

In order to not raise suspicion, she sent a message in code to her mother. A friend was to sing a good morning song to her: “I’ll meet you in the morning. I’m going to the Promised Land.”

The Underground Railroad was alive and well at that time. It was not a train line, it was made up of good people, Abolitionists or others who just wanted to help. They fed the escaped slaves, hid them in secret parts of their houses, got them jobs and places where they could be safe.

Harriet used this “Railroad” and her knowledge of Maryland’s backcountry to wander up into Delaware. She traveled by night, using the North Star as a guide, and hid during the day to avoid greedy fugitive slave hunters. At one of the stops on her “line,” a “conductor” of the Railroad told her to sweep out in front of the house to make it look like she worked there. Finally, she crossed the border into Pennsylvania-freedom. She said:

“When I found I had crossed that line, I looked at my hands to see if I was the same person. There was such a glory over everything; the sun came like gold through the trees, and over the fields, and I felt like I was in Heaven.”

Nearly every year she would return to Maryland to lead slaves to freedom, which earned her the nickname “Moses.” She had many to chose from, as it was once estimated that Africa had lost over 12 million of their sons and daughters in the slave trade.

They used their feet, were buried in carriages, or sat on log canoes for up to 100 kilometres to reach their freedom. And Harriet was always there to help them, she and the Night. Her name became a legend, and the famous black Abolitionist and ex-slave Frederick Douglass once said:

The difference between us is very marked. Most that I have done and suffered in the service of our cause has been in public, and I have received much encouragement at every step of the way. You, on the other hand, have laboured in a private way. I have wrought in the day – you in the night… The midnight sky and the silent stars have been the witnesses of your devotion to freedom and of your heroism. Excepting John Brown– of sacred memory – I know of no one who has willingly encountered more perils and hardships to serve our enslaved people than you have.”

Tubman rescued some 70 slaves in about 13 expeditions, including her other brothers, Henry, Ben, and Robert, their wives and some of their children. She also provided specific instructions to 50 to 60 other slaves who escaped to the north. One of her last missions into Maryland was to retrieve her ageing parents. She brought both parents north to Canada, where a community of former slaves (including Tubman’s brothers, other relatives, and many friends) had gathered.

She usually came in winter, when the nights were long and dark. It was cold, but freedom was a greater prize than comfort. They would leave on Saturdays, because news of the slaves’ escape would not be printed until Monday, giving them a head start. She would dress in costumes. Once she wore a bonnet and carried two chickens, and spotted a former master. She tugged at the strings holding the chicken’s legs, and their commotion helped her avoid eye contact. 

She would sing “Go Down Moses” and changed the words to tell slaves if it was safe to go on or not.

For all of her achievements leading slaves to freedom in the North, her deeds during the American Civil War (1861-1865) were perhaps more remarkable. Wishing to do everything in her power to aid the North and to free slaves everywhere, she began as a nurse in Port Royal, South Carolina, tending to wounded troops, even calling out President Lincoln because he was at the time not willing to end slavery.

But Harriet was made to do even greater things than being a nurse. In 1863, she began leading scouting parties into the swamps of South Carolina, similar to those in Maryland, and her knowledge of traveling secretly, as well as her charisma, enabled her to lead men deep into enemy territory. They mapped unfamiliar terrain and scouted the people living in the area.

On June 2nd of that year, Tubman became the first woman to lead an armed assault in the Civil War. They destroyed three plantations, captured thousands of dollars worth of supplies, and rescued about 750 slaves.

For the rest of the war she continued tending to freed slaves, nursing wounded soldiers, and scouting enemy territory.

Despite all of these accomplishments, which put her higher than most people ever dared to dream of being, she found at home in New York that African-Americans still had a very long way to go. While on a train in 1869, the conductor told her to move from a half-price section into the baggage car. She refused, showing government papers that allowed her to ride there. He cursed and grabbed her, but she fought, and he called two other passengers for help. While clutching the railing, they muscled her away and  broke her arm. As this happened, other white passengers cursed Tubman and shouted for the conductor to kick her off the train. This was 86 years before Rosa Parks.

In addition, it would be another thirty years before the government recognised Tubman’s services during the War and granted her a monthly pension, but did not recognise her as a spy and a scout, only a nurse.

Her headaches and seizures worsened with age, and she finally decided to be operated on in the 1890’s. Afterwards her pain lessened, but during the operation, she was not given anaesthesia. She chose to bite a bullet as she had seen Civil War soldiers do when their legs were amputated instead.

She died in poverty in 1913, but was surrounded by friends and family members.

Her last words were “I go to prepare a place for you.” Somewhere, deep in the depths of the nighttime sky, maybe in costume, she is waiting to lead the many downtrodden and enslaved masses to their own visions of heaven.

Recipe

If Life Gives You Nothing But Lemons, Try This Lemon Sheetcake*

1 cup o’ almond flour

1/5th cup o’ coconut flour

7/8th cups o’ Xylit(ol?)

1 pack o’ baking soda

juice ‘n’ peel o’ 1 lemon (or, better, 5 drops lemon essential oil)

approx 1/2 cups o’ coconut oil

approx 3/4 cups o’ mineral water

about a ten-inch baking tray

stir all ingredients, fill baking tray, pre-heat oven, bake at 350 deg. for 20 min.

Gluten free, sugar free, vegan, and totally yummy…**

*not shitcake

**unless my metric to shit kings English measurement conversions are off-then it’s out of my hands..8^)

#MenCanBakeShitToo, wait, that sounds wrong…