Most of us have very different ideas about what is bad or good, what sucks and what sucks worse, or even what’s right and wrong-for illustrations of this we need not look further than our country’s own opinions about its Great and Wise Leader.  

However, one thing most of us can agree on is that fasting really sucks, and that fasting for more than an hour really, really sucks.  My wife and I are currently doing a “Master Cleanse”, which was definitely a woman’s idea, and which, though I have no proof to back this claim up with, is supposed to make you feel, like, good afterwards.  At least it made the choosing of the title of this article relatively easy.

To be honest, this isn’t the first time we’ve cleansed before, and won’t be the last, and I can honestly say I haven’t regretted any of them.  This time, however, we’ll be doing it for a week, to make sure the results are especially good, presumably, and I’m definitely nervous.  Our previous record was three days without food, which was fun enough.  

OK I’m writing this in the throes of Day 1, well towards the end, where my body has begun to ask in a clear and firm voice, “WTF?”  Day two will probably be a bad one as well, but from there it’s all downhill (or up?) as the body gets used to what you’re putting it through.

I just read an “article” (advertisement) about this super awesome wonder drug that Melania Trump takes that removes brain fog and improves cognitive and memory (which is, like, cognitive) prowess.  I can even have a free trial.  

I do not want a new wonder drug.  I do not want Melania telling me how I can better my life.  Who’s she to talk?  But I will acknowledge that I do have a problem.  This pesky brain cloud thing has been bothering me for a decade at least, my memory is pitiful, and I find it very difficult to concentrate.  

Unlike many Americans, however, I refuse to fill the pockets of Pharmaceutical Companies if there’s any other solution available.  As a consumer, I feel it’s my responsibility to send a message with what I buy or don’t buy to the people I approve or disapprove of.  I’m thinking of you, Martin Shkreli.

I have no money to give you, DB…

Thanks to mic.com for the DoucheBag picture.

I believe it’s also my responsibility, not some doctor’s, not some Pharma Company’s, not no one’s responsibility, to take care of my own goddamn body.  Am I two?  Does I just sit back and let Mommy and Daddy take care of me or do I take my life into my own hands?

So here we are, as Day 1 of Hell Week, Part 1, fades sloth-like from us.  There’s a pit inside my gut that gnaws and groans.  I’m weak and weary, finding it difficult to get the energy up to write this or do anything else productive.  Can’t wait till tomorrow, when I want to start the day with a five to ten Km run, depending on how I feel.  I’ll do anything to keep my mind off of food.


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